Hi Zebras, I am in a very vulnerable moment, but I have decided to put this out there because I need to be seen. I am utterly frustrated. I have hurt myself, and it's only my fault. I have no-one else to blame. I have been struggling a lot with a knee, a shoulder blade and with tinnitus. Sleeping is difficult, moving is difficult, feeling myself in my body is difficult. I did work on my pelvis for quite a bit and I managed to get some improvement. Then moved on to the shoulders and tried to do the same. Gentle but consistent work, and lots of patience. But today I lost it. I have been having TMD physio for my tinnitus and also saw some improvements. But two weeks ago something changed after my last session. My tinnitus has become so loud that I am really struggling to keep my cool. And I can't wait for my next session. In the meantime, this morning I woke up, did my morning routine and... there it was. Something shifted in my knee again. Suddenly my balance and walking were challenged again and I had this annoying feeling/pain with me all the time. I tried all I could to keep calm but my anxiety kept building up. It's like everything I'm doing is been undone. I got home and tried to do some meditation on the floor, but the feeling of tension on my leg kept nagging me until I lost my patience. I let a cry of frustration out and my body tensed up in anger and frustration. With that, the only thing I managed is to make things worse. My leg tensed up even more, going down to my ankle until something shifted there as well. Now my ankle feels wonky too, and I hate it. I am now in my bed. Scared to move. Angry at myself, feeling trapped in my body and in my house. Grateful that I can still walk, go out and move independently but scared that one day I will lose that too. As I said, I am only writing this because I hope I will feel seen and a bit less lonely. Most of the people I know can sympathise but not empathise with the feelings I am describing.
Posted by Geeky Al at 2023-07-25 16:25:38 UTC